I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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