fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
