We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
