It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
