Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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