If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
