Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
