hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
