They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
