oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Randomize
