rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
