and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize