Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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