We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
