No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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