yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
