just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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