i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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