I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize