ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
