Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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