I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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