Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
