im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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