Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
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My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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