That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
