Will you blow on my dice?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
