i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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