Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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