thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
