And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
