We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
