Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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