he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
