Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
