hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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