fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
