One girl and one boy is just not enough.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Randomize
