Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
