it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
