I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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