I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
