Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
