I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
