Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
