I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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