so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He shit in the fireplace
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
