Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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