Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize