U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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