so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize