hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
