WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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