He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
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I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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