Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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