I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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