I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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