I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I need a beard to bite.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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