I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
