i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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