I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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