it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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