she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I did not marry a roomba.
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