He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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