i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
