I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize