so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
