If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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